No self-respecting Copenhagen cafe owner would dream of hiring someone actually capable of smiling.
Staff members must be surly to the point of outright rudeness.
Preferably they will be good-looking but not because this might entice customers.
No, their attractiveness simply serves to emphasise the comparative ugliness of the patrons.
They are all possessed of the same disdainful sneer which they bestow upon anyone who dares enter the establishment.
“What the fucking hell do you want you complete cretin?”, they silently inquire.
“A cup of coffee please.”
“A fucking cup of fucking coffee? Why the hell were you born you inconsequential imbecile? Get the fuck out of my sight before my eyes start bleeding you fart molecule.”
The reason I say this is to emphasise that if you want American-style brown-nosing you are in the wrong city.
Cafe Front Page is no different. After wasting several minutes of my life while several waitresses milled around performing a range of seemingly crucial tasks like texting one another, I was eventually served.
Actually, I should point out here that the Danes are extremely patient.
Despite being sticklers for efficiency, they think little of waiting in line while a solitary waitress takes the orders of the people in front of them.
And then painstakingly prepares said orders.
And then takes the money.
All the while, the other serving staff continue their vital work of polishing the beer taps.
It’s infuriating but you quickly adapt. It is the way of things.
I like to think that this laissez-faire attitude stems from the fact that the Danes are actually time rich.
Their work/life balance is light years ahead of the UK’s and as a result they don’t quibble at the odd queue.
Anyway, Cafe Front Page. I liked it.
It’s neatly and clearly divided between a French-style bar area complete with TV showing football matches and the cafe itself with a traditional but still very enticing menu.
The burgers I saw being served looked mouth-watering as did some of the salads.
I settled for a tasty slice of homemade carrot cake and a cafe au lait. I may have a job but I still can’t afford a Danish brunch.
There is also outdoor seating overlooking one of the four man-made lakes, while, as the name suggests, there is a restaurant next door about which I know absolutely nothing.
Where: Sortedam Dossering 21, Nørrebro
Phone: 35 37 38 27